I haven't had much of an inspiration to write lately. No pressing or new subjects on my mind. There are plenty of crazy things going on in this world I COULD write about - but none that the Lord has led me to write about. So today will be more of a personal post. I was originally thinking about putting it on Facebook, but decided it might be a bit lengthy.
I've been thinking a lot today about my Momma. My friend Maca and her little girl Ellie came up to visit us today and as we talked we talked quite a bit about my mom and some of the details of her life - specifically the end. Anytime I do talk about her and especially her death I always find it refreshing and healing to read from her journal about her LIFE. So I wanted to post another snippet from her journal. This post has a section where she wrote specifically to me - I can almost hear her voice when I read it. Oh how I miss her. My soul sometimes still aches with the empty spot that she left. Only the Lord can soothe and fill that spot today, but I also rest in the faith and knowledge that I will see her again someday! How sweet a reunion it will be. It almost brings tears to my eyes to imagine that day. My heart can hardly bear it. It makes me want to say - as so many times my Mom did - Jesus come and take me today!! I hope and pray that I can be as heavenly minded as she was, forever waiting and watching for the day that my Savior will come and take me home.
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9/6/99
Today is Labor Day, a nice break after a couple of weeks of school. Garr and Galen are on the sofa bed watching TV, and Cami spend the night at Jennifer's house. I bought this journal several days ago, but I just have been unsure how to start. I want you to have something of me (or mine) to help you understand a little more of how much I love you and how much the Lord Jesus means to me. Sometimes I am so focused on the task of being a mom and wife that I don't take the extra effort to share my heart with you. When I have quiet moments, I am reminded of how blessed I am to have all of you.
Cami, I really enjoyed laying on the bed and talking with you on Saturday night. It was fun to share memories with you of when you and the boys were babies. My, how the time has flown! I had had a hard day, and you were concerned about me. You wanted to know if I needed to talk about anything. That meant so much to me. May the Savior keep you tender and near to His own heart as you grow older.
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I think, over the years, as I have re-read this first post it is so interesting to me the timing of her writing. As many of my readers know, my mom died after battling a malignant brain tumor for 4 years. That's the short version at least. The best part to me is that the date this journal was started precedes her diagnoses with brain cancer by a year and 5 months. I just love that she didn't start to journal when she knew she was going to die, she was compelled to journal when she was ALIVE with no thought of an early death. Her words would be sweet regardless of the reason, but they are potent with the knowledge that she wrote these things genuinely for the reasons she stated above. I also feel confident that the Lord compelled her to write. He knew the trials that were going to come our way and He knew how much this journal would mean to me and to the rest of my family. Just another example for me of what my simple obedience can do for others. The SMALL THINGS he asks me to do can become BIG THINGS to others - all I have to do is obey!
