Turner's Birth Story

I've had 3 births and never written a birth story. Maybe I will go back and write about my other births someday. Turner Matthew Judah Eytcheson came into the world on December 4, 2018 at 11:13 p.m. He weighed 10lbs 11oz and was 22.25 inches long surprising everyone from the delivery room to our extended family and setting my OB's personal record as the biggest baby he's delivered. Since my previous two births were cesareans my intentions for this birth were to have a successful, preferably unmedicated, VBAC (that's "vaginal birth after cesarean" for those that aren't familiar). My doctor agreed for me to TOLAC (trail of labor after cesarean) except he was not willing to use any type of induction methods to start or encourage labor. At my 37 week appointment and the baby measured big via sonogram. His head circumference was very big and his weight was estimated at 8lbs 4oz. I originally reacted with fear and a little despair upon hearing that the baby was so big I then began to pray - alot - after that appointment. At my 39 week appointment, I was found to be dilated 2 cm which was fantastic news! I was officially due on Sunday 12/2. Thursday prior to being due, I had a day date with my bonus mom for foot massages and lunch and I began having contractions (far apart) while I sat and watched our oldest play soccer that evening. Saturday my MIL arrived from out of town in anticipation for baby to arrive in the near future. Sunday - due date! - I started having consistent contractions from the time I walked into church (around 9am) and throughout the day. After a full day and night of contractions every 7-10 mins that were increasing in intensity, I asked to be taken to the hospital to be checked knowing they would likely send me home. They kept me/monitored me for 2 hours (usually they only keep you 1 hour), and then they sent me home. I don't remember a lot that happened after that. I know I tried to sleep and got a couple naps in that day to try to make up for not sleeping the night before. This labor was already reminding me of my labor with Kailyn, so I knew I needed the sleep and that my baby was coming - no matter how slowly - and I needed rest. I had other labor signs like passing my mucus plug and having bloody show after contractions. I remember praying a lot, listening to a lot of worship music, spending a lot of time bouncing on my ball. Night fell again and I tried so hard to sleep. I got about an hour of sleep and then my contractions woke me up. I was timing them and trying to sleep in between. The sleep between part was not really happening. My husband was snoring, loudly, next to me. I remember being resentful and irritated. Around midnight I cried - not from pain - from emotions. I remember thinking, "I want off this ride." I was even up for more intensity, and even pain if it meant that things would change. I wanted and needed progress. 1:08 AM my water broke - it felt exactly like I had read/heard it described. I felt pressure and then a POP! that at first kind of felt like a baby kick, but different. I said, "What was that?" out loud and then a big *gush* confirmed that my water broke. Yes! The ride finally changed. I woke up Matt and we grabbed our stuff. We got to the hospital around 2am - both very thankful that my MIL was already in town and sleeping in our home so we briefly woke her, let her know what was going on, and headed out the door without waking the rest of the kids. We had almost the exact opposite experience in triage than we had just had the night before - which was a huge relief. When I told the charge nurse who check us in my plans to VBAC this baby she set the tone for my experience and said she was rooting for me and believed I could do this. We stayed in triage a bit longer than usual due to the L&D ward being very busy that night - the bed in triage was not comfortable, but there was a peace that had not been there before. We were moved to a L&D room around 5am. My OB, Dr. Jason Brown, came on shift at 7am and said hello - actually, he walked into my room before 7am with his backpack on because as soon as he had walked in and saw my name on the board he came straight to see me. I really cannot say enough good things about him as a doctor and a person. There are a lot of details between that point when Turner was born 18+ hours later. The overarching and most important part of the whole experience was the peace that I felt and the peace that was present in my room that day and night. Since there weren't many medical options open to me as far as the use of pitocin, etc. I was really left to my own devices. We played music. Matt and I danced. We talked a lot, spent time together that we hadn't in a long time. Fully soaked in all the excitement of our baby, our last baby, coming into the world. My grandparents and bonus mom visited for a bit while I sat on a birthing ball and chatted through contractions. My body seemed to be doing it's job at first. I was 3 cm dilated when I checked in and around noon I was 6cm dilated. Slow progress, but things were moving. Then we stalled - each check my cervix remained the same. After a couple checks and nothing I started to get serious. No more visitors. I put my phone on airplane mode, no more calls, no more texts. Time to focus. I changed up the music. I started moving a lot. I paced the halls. I did lots of squats. I did step ups on the couch in my room (shhh!). I used a hand operated breast pump for nipple stimulation. I pumped enough colostrom before my baby was ever born to impress everyone in the nursery/NICU department. More ball bouncing. My legs were starting to cramp. Nothing was happening and decision time was coming. My doctor came to visit around 6p. I was checked - no progress. We had a heart to heart about how I saw this proceeding and what my options were as time went on. Together we decided that if I had no cervical change and no signs of progress by 9pm we would start to prepare for a cesarean. After the doctor left, I crawled into the bed, asked Matt to come crawl in with me and I cried and I let it sink in that I might not get my desire for a VBAC and I confessed that it's really hard to want something so badly and have very little control, ultimately, of getting it. Shift change for the nurses came. While I was really sad to see my nurse from that day leave, I personally knew the next nurse coming on shift and she brought an element of excitement right when I needed it. Holly came in and told me how proud she was of my effort that day. She was fully updated on every thing I had done to try to get my labor to progress throughout the day and she assured me I had done everything possible and I hadn't given up. She said no matter what happened I could be sure that I gave it my all. Then she took charge and everything moved fairly fast. She asked if I would be willing to try an epidural as a means to possibly dilate me more. After 6+ hours or no progress, I was up for just about anything. The epidural failed and in the end, we proceeded to the OR a little after 10pm. I was given a spinal in the OR along with several warm blankets to help me stop shaking. Matt was back at my side fairly quickly. My doctor came in and turned on his music for surgery. I had made no requests, yet praise and worship, all of my favorites that I have been singing and praying over my pregnancy and especially during my labor filled the room. The peace I had through the day filtered in, and in a matter of minutes my baby boy was born. As I was skillfully put back together, I sang worship to my King. You see, over the weeks before Turner was born, the Lord changed my prayers and he changed my heart. My prayers at 37 weeks started by praying for what I wanted and very quickly changed to praying for the Lord's will. In the final days, I released everything I wanted to the Lord. I prayed for his will. I prayed for his glory. I submitted that even if I didn't get what I "wanted" he would still get all the glory, all the praise. Because he is faithful, he fulfills our desires, he is protector, he is healer, and he walked with me through those hours and days of labor and surgery and everything afterwards. Among the birth community I see the message that after a trauma or disappointing birth there is a need for a healing birth and it is often, if not always, equated with some magical, natural birth experience. It is often communicated as fighting for what you want, trusting in your body to do its job, and making your birth experience happen. I heard the message somewhere, that to heal from the trauma of my previous birth, and the disappointment of a repeat cesarean with twins I needed this healing experience, and they were right - kind of. There was just one important piece missing. What I needed and what I had was The Healer, my Lord and Savior, Papa God, to walk with me through this birth - and he did. What I experienced was peace and joy and faithfulness. What I experienced was healing at a soul level that I get to carry with me forever.

"For my thoughts are not your thoughts, neither are my ways your ways, declares the Lord. For as the heavens are higher than the earth, so are my ways higher than your ways and my thoughts than your thoughts." Isaiah 55:8-9

The Gospel and my Dad

On Saturday, February 22, 2020 we celebrated the life of my dad, Cam Fearis. He passed away on February 13, 2020 after a major heart attack the week prior. The celebration was both unique and nearly perfect. The turn out was quite spectacular. Some fun and incredible stories were shared. I laughed more than I cried. The main theme was consistent regardless of no prior coordination from each speaker and it was this: Dad impacted the world the way he did because he followed the example of Jesus Christ. I had only a small part in the ceremony and this copy is only the notes I prepared I added some in the moment.

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I just wanted to take a quick moment to tell each of these men who have spoken before me how much I love you. Having an incredible Dad has meant doing life and growing up around other incredible men. It can also be said that each of these men are characterized by their great love for Jesus. I am so thankful for each of you.

Dad was known for becoming emotional when he prayed - time after time he would clear his throat and pause during the family prayer. Don’t worry we teased him about it -- but what grace it has been to have a Dad who loves Jesus so much that he is brought to tears by the love of his Savior.

My dad held my hand and led me to salvation at 4 years old - in the driveway of our house after Wednesday night AWANAs - I asked him to pray with me. 29 years later I know and remember the deep longing in my soul to belong to Jesus. Dad continued to lead me to Christ throughout my life, through hard times and losing my mom to brain cancer, to hard times where I was so angry and hard hearted it looked like I might lose my way, and all the way through all the pain to forgiveness and redemption and healed relationship and deep love.

Loving Jesus comes with certainty that you cannot find anywhere else - my dad had it. Here is what Romans 8:28-32 says: “and we know that God causes everything to work together for the good of those who love God and are called according to his purpose for them. For God knew his people in advance, and he chose them to become like his Son, so that his Son would be the firstborn among many brothers and sisters. And having chosen them, he called them to come to him. And having called them, he gave them right standing (justification, we get credit for Jesus’ good record) with himself. And having given them right standing, he gave them his glory. What shall we say about such wonderful things as these? If God is for us, who can ever be against us? Since he did not spare even his own Son but gave him up for all, won’t he also give us everything else?”

When we start to understand how much God loves us -- How do we know God loves us? He sent his one and only Son Jesus to die on the cross for our sins. When we start to understand how much God loves us and we couple that alongside Who God is -- who is God? The Bible says he is the Alpha and the Omega, the Beginning and the End. God existed before the earth was formed and he will exist after this earth is gone -- he has the ultimate BIG picture. He sees all things, past, present, and future. So when we couple how much God loves us alongside who God is and slowly and even painfully we grow to try to really trust Him and His plan on our lives. And friends, I’m not going to stand here and lie to you and tell you that it is easy. I’m not.

But that is not all let us read about the promise. It says just a few verses above in Romans 8, v.18-23: “Yet what we suffer now is nothing compared to the glory he will reveal to us later. For all creation is waiting eagerly for that future day when God will reveal who his children really are. Against its will, all creation was subjected to God’s curse. BUT with eager hope the creation looks forward to the day when it will join God’s children in glorious freedom from death and decay. For we know that all creation has been groaning as in the pains of childbirth right up to the present time. And we believers also groan, even though we have the Holy Spirit within us as a foretaste of future glory, for we long for our bodies to be released from sin and suffering. We, too, wait with eager hope for the day when God will give us our full rights as his adopted children, including the new bodies he has promised us.”

As believers in Jesus we have freedom from death and decay - now! Death has no victory because we have eternal life. What hope! That is our eager hope in the face of real pain and heartache. You don’t get unity, and humility, and oneness in this kind of tragedy without Jesus and that is exactly what I have experienced with my family. It is a strange place to be when you can fully see and feel the presence of the Lord walking beside you and at the same time be given a no to one of the biggest prayers of your life.

We don’t get all the answers here on Earth. What we do get if we want him is Jesus. The Bible says he is the great High Priest who goes to the Father on our behalf. He understands all of our fears, feelings, insecurities, emotions because he walked this earth with skin on just like you and me. Fully God and Fully Man and Hebrews 4:14-16 says, “So then, since we have a great High Priest who has entered heaven, Jesus the Son of God, let us hold firmly to what we believe. This High Priest of ours understands our weaknesses, for he faced all of the same testings we do yet he did not sin. So let us come boldly to the throne of our gracious God. There we will receive his mercy, and we will find grace to help us when we need it most.”

I finish with this -- make no mistake about your place in this room today. It is no accident that you are here today. I believe that the Lord had already picked out your seat in this room. He is calling you, by name. He knows your name and he knows how many hairs are on your head he knows everything you have ever done and everything you are going to do and he loves you. The Creator of the Universe loves you. Today you are either being called to either know Jesus as your friend and savior or you are being called to know him more. You are being called to either cry out for salvation, or set aside very thing that is keeping you from being all in with Jesus.

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If you are scrolling this page and reading these words then you too are being called by the Father. You didn't stumble here by mistake you are here for a purpose. The God of the Universe in his generosity he has made a way for you to know him to his depths. Reach out. You are loved.